A Smile Goes A Long Way
by SagaciousSagittarius
Summary: Aria thinks nothing in this world is worth it. Lucky for her, tomorrow is always a new day. trigger warning : suicide/suicidal thoughts, depression (Humanstuck AU, Equiara)


I lay in bed, wondering for the billionth time just what exactly I'm doing with my life.

I've felt like an empty, hollow, shell of my former self. I must've died and become some sort of ghost. Just one quick pinch of the arm…

"Ouch," I said bluntly, as my usual voice is. Well, I guess I'm alive. Hoorah.

"Aria! Aria!" I could hear my mom calling from inside the kitchen. I could picture her standing there in all her 5'2" glory, holding a spoon covered in spaghetti sauce in one hand, strands of her charcoal hair slowly falling out of a messy bun. "Dinner's ready! We're having spaghetti, now get in here!"

I so called the spaghetti.

I tried to pull myself off of my twin sized bed, but the sheets felt like glue and the air felt like a heavy weight that pushed down on me with all of it's might. It's as if depression took a solid form and was now sitting on top of me; preventing me from moving.

I was somehow able to get myself off of the bed. Maybe it was the prospect of food and the fact I could feel my stomach growling.

My feet barely recognized the feel of the ground. I felt weightless and heavy all at once. I just wanted to end it. Yeah, I'll do that later tonight.

When I turned left out of my bedroom and took two steps, I ended up in our over crowded kitchen. Mom was raking some spaghetti out of a bowl and onto a chipped plate. My half-sister, Demiyah, was sitting at the table, texting her boyfriend. Her eyes never looked up to greet me or acknowledge my mom as she set a plate in front of her. And my dad, well, he wasn't home. Again.

I took the seat opposite of Demiyah. It felt hard and cold. No one ever sat down to eat together anymore. When was the last time we ate at the table- two weeks ago? We never talked anymore.

"Thanks for coming out of your room, Aria," I heard my mom say as I curled some noodles around the prongs of my fork. "I've been wanting to talk to you. Well, both of you."

Demiyah's phone went off just as she was about to set it down on the table. She shoved it back under her nose and tapped frantically at the keyboard. Whatever she and Rufioh were talking about, it must be really important. It was more important than us, anyway.

My mother sighed and frowned at her plate. From this angle, her age was more obvious. She had always looked like such a young girl, but recently stress lines had been appearing across her youthful face. Large purple bags had formed under her once bright and alert eyes. Now even her beauty creams and home remedies couldn't mask what time had done.

I was surprised. My mother had lived a hard life. She had been a prostitute, been kidnapped, raped tortured… I couldn't even bare to think about what she had been through. Not once had she shown a sign of distress though.

My sister never used to completely ignore us for Rufioh.

My dad would come home on time.

I used to be happy.

Was this what growing up was like?

"Aria," my mother looked at me earnestly now, tears stinging her eyes. "Are you okay?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom, holding back a waterfall of my own tears.

I sat on the toilet and looked outside the little bathroom window to a cotton-candy-puke colored sky. I opened the window just a crack to let some cool air in; to see if that would calm me down.

I bit my thumb and let out barely audible sobs. The way my life was going so far, I figured nothing could _ever_ possibly go my way. It pained me to see my mother so sad over _me_. To be so worried that _I_ was okay. What about Demiyah? She couldn't get over Rufioh, who we _all_ knew was cheating on her. Holy fuck, why did no one ever tell her this? Are we that horrible? We just want to let her stay with him without ever knowing? Shouldn't my mom be more concerned with her daughter who had given everything to a man who didn't care about her at all?

Her daughter, Demiyah; the one who would still be here tomorrow?

The one who would probably be the first to discover me in the morning?

My mind was like scrambled eggs. I held both sides of my head, trying to not get too emotional about this whole thing.

Tomorrow, I won't be here. I won't have to live in a world where nothing goes right for me.

I heard a gentle tap on the bathroom door. "Aria, please come out." It was mom. She sounded… better? "You have a visitor."

I hastily collected myself. Who was it? Dad? No, mom wouldn't say "a visitor". Maybe a girl scout.

I crept out of my bedroom and tried to hide my face. When I had checked in the bathroom mirror, there had been several red blotches on my cheeks and I didn't want anyone to know I'd been crying.

Standing in my living room was someone I never thought I would see standing in my living room: Erick Zahorik, captain of my high schools basketball team. He looked fairly uncomfortable in my living room. Maybe it was because he was so nervous, or more likely, it was because of how tall and muscular he was compared to how small and cluttered my house was.

I noticed my mother tapping Demiyah on the shoulder and pulling her out of view, giving me a wink as she did so. I was still too scatter-brained to comprehend what was going on.

"Hello," said Erick, as if everything was normal. Maybe it was. Maybe I was just so far from normalcy by now that I wouldn't recognize normal social customs if they bit me in the ass.

"Hi," I mumbled, still half hidden behind my hair.

"So… I like this blanket," he offered, pointing to an afghan that was draped over my couch.

"Thanks," I said, rocking on the balls of my feet. "It's my moms."

This conversation was going nowhere fast and I desperately wanted it to end so I could crawl back to my bathroom. "Was there something you wanted to tell me, Erick?"

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, and I instantly regretted what I said. Had I been too harsh? "Well, I j-just wanted to give you this…"

He fished a tiny little heart shaped box out of his jacket pocket and handed it to me. I just stared at it in amazement. I rubbed my thumb over its smooth, wooden surface.

"I was hoping you'd like it," he said, blushing harder than before. "I made it in woodshop."

"You…made something for me." This was all too much to take in.

He gave a nervous laugh. "Yeah, well. It was all my little sister's idea."

"Oh." I knew his sister from my English class. She was always trying to cheer me up and get me to smile. I really appreciated this being from Natalia, his sister, but honestly, I thought this was a different kind of gift. I felt extremely selfish suddenly. Maybe I thought I'd spend my last night on earth living in a romance novel.

"Well, you see." Suddenly, his usual stoic yet nervous expression gave way to a beaming smile. I realized I'd never seen him smile. It was perfect and genuine, even if the teeth were a bit crooked. I couldn't help but return the expression. "I, I've really liked you in the 6th grade… I mean, sort of…. Not a lot… hehe." Both our smiles grew wider at this point, and my face was red, not from crying this time. "But I remembered something about you back then. You used to wear a lot of jewelry, like, ancient type stuff?"

I nodded in response. I had all these different historical earrings, necklaces, and rings that my mother would get from across the world. Well, she found them on EBay, but they were _shipped_ from across the world. I felt a pang in my heart as I realized I hadn't worn any of them in a long time.

"Well," he continued. "I overheard you saying once how your necklaces would get tangled because you had nowhere to put them at night. And I've been noticing that you haven't been wearing any jewelry lately. I figured it was because you didn't have a good place to put them." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah! That's true!"

"So, since you didn't have anywhere to put your jewelry, I thought I'd make you a jewelry box." He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Natalia's the one who suggested I make it into a heart."

"That's so thoughtful. I love it Erick," I said, because it was, and because I did.

He beamed once again and it warmed my heart.

"I-I gotta go though. I have to tell Natalia that you liked it… and plus, I have math homework."

"Oh, that's fine," I felt tears in the corner of my eyes, but not sad tears.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." I swallowed hard at that. "Yeah in fact, you should sit with me at lunch!"

I took a deep breath. Tonight was supposed to be the night.

When he noticed my uncertainty, he added, "Natalia will be there too."

I smiled at him and clasped my hands together. "Of course I'll sit with you!"

He seemed relieved as he walked towards the door. "Great!"

"I can't wait for tomorrow."

That night, I lay in bed, picturing Erick Zahorik's smile. And mine too.


End file.
